Dear Pastor, I am an affirming gay Christian Pt 3

The last two articles discussed the background of how I struggled with my sexuality, held non-affirming views for years, but now hold affirming views. I wrote the background information to give a context for this article. I want to ask non-affirming Christian leaders and Christian communities to create healthy spaces for LGBTQI members. However, I had first to explain why I am asking this question.

In my years of struggling with my sexuality, I have experienced a welcoming and unwelcoming approach towards my sexuality. I have experienced both from Christian communities I have been part of and my former denomination. When I left my former denomination, I had experienced an unwelcoming approach and resistance towards my sexuality, and questions about affirming theology. For this reason, I feel passionate about creating healthy spaces in our Christian circles, churches, and denominations for the LBGTQI community, whatever stance is held on sexuality.

I want to ask Christian leaders and Christian communities to create healthy spaces for Christians like myself, an affirming gay Christian. In my context, I don’t have options for an affirming church. So creating a healthy space for Christians like myself is vital because your church or Christian community might be my only option. I also believe that love for God and our neighbour compels us to work towards it.[1] I am also human, made in the image of God and a follower of Christ despite our disagreement on the teaching on sexuality.

_{“I am not sure whether you’ll allow me to take communion or not.”}

What I am not asking

Since the only choice for a faith community is a non-affirming Christian community, I know that I won’t find some things in your community. I am not asking for a church membership since I can’t commit to non-affirming views. I am also not asking to preach, lead a bible study or be involved in any position in your church because it might be a challenge for you. I am not sure whether you’ll allow me to take communion or not. I am also not asking you to change your theological position. However, I still consider myself a Christian, so there are a few things I would like to see or experience in your community.

_{“will you open the text and disciple me”}

Loved, welcomed, and discipled

As a Christian, I still seek to be in a community of believers who love, welcome, and disciple. I am not referring to love and welcome that might infringe on your theology and conscience. I am referring to love and welcome that demonstrates Christ-likeness. That love agitated Pharisees when Christ related to people outside their religious circles.[2] Some Christians like Preston Sprinkle are moving towards this trajectory.[3] Last, will you open the text and disciple me. I am a Christian, and I seek to be spiritually fed within a community. I could stay alone at home, but I don’t think that reflects the biblical teaching about the church and participation.

_{“I have heard offensive slurs and comments from Christians and preachers.”}

Protected

Protection is one of the critical elements I would like to experience in your church community. Unfortunately, living in the open as a gay person remains one of the dangerous acts in our country.[4] Just in 2021, members of the LGBTQI were murdered brutally in Kwazulu-Natal. Quite frankly, writing these articles feels like putting my life in danger.

However, I am unlikely to experience physical brutality in your church community, but I might experience emotional abuse or neglect. Unfortunately, many Christians have not learned to act compassionately towards LGBTQI people. I have heard offensive slurs and comments from Christians and preachers. Gays and lesbians are ridiculed with small jokes when Genesis 1-2 is mentioned. I have heard things like this, “Gays and lesbians have not understood what animals do, that a man should be a woman and not a man and man or a woman and a woman.”[5] So how will I find your church community?[6]

The church has demonstrated countercultural love in history because they were convinced about God’s character and justice. For example, in the early church, Christians stood against infanticide.[7] They believed that the infants were in the image of God and were worthy of protection and rescue.

Likewise, some Christians during the Holocaust protected and rescued Jews against the Hitler regime.[8] These examples demonstrate how the Christians worked towards the common good for society. They were convinced of the injustice exerted on the vulnerable of their society, and I long to see the church acting similarly to LGBTQI matters. [9]

_{“So will I be subjected to unequal treatment in your church”}

Treated equally

Many LGBTQI Christians have experienced unequal treatment in churches. David Gushee notes, “LGBTQ[I] people are still not treated as equal, as kin, in the family of faith…Their gifts continue to be blocked”.[10] I have my share of experience in my former denomination. Following a church discipline process after voluntary repentance from a sexual relationship, I was left at the mercy of the leaders who didn’t demonstrate any further commitment to me and my gifts.[11] It happened despite a good track record during the discipline process, and I still held non-affirming views. I was told that my situation was peculiar. I wonder if it means that I was dirty and filthy forever as a same-sex attracted person and never worthy of serving the Lord and his people in ministry. So will I be subjected to unequal treatment in your church because of my sexuality or affirming views?

Learn from each other

One of the difficulties with being a gay Christian is that a few people understand the concept, and even fewer are willing to listen and hear your story. I am lucky and thankful to have people like that in my life, but it’s a rare phenomenon. So as I come to your church community, will you listen to my story and hear my conclusions without imposing your conclusion or dismissing my story and process. I am willing to listen to yours too.

I have found this difficult to also stem from how we do theology. I have been taught that my emotions should be removed from the study of theology. The reason is that my emotions and experience are inferior to the revealed word of God. They must be subjected to God’s word as nothing good can come from them. Therefore, I have abandoned this philosophy or interpretation. This philosophy has good intentions for removing subjective influence in the literature study. However, it also has a danger of perpetuating unbiblical pain and suffering an interpretation can cause to one’s emotions. So, ignore your unbiblical pain and suffering because your emotions matter less than an interpretation. Sadly, it usually happens in the name of God. So will you listen to my story, including how I might have been hurt by an interpretation or church practice?

_{“I have laid bare my life on a public platform.”}

Unfortunately, some churches are making it difficult for gay Christians to express their experience in their way. The language is controlled too. For example, the Presbyterian Church in America (PCA) asked its LGBTQI non-affirming Christians to avoid using gay Christian to refer to themselves.[12] Instead, they suggested same-sex attraction is an appropriate term.[13] For many, like Gregory Coles, using the term gay defines his experience better than any other word. Gregory Coles is a non-affirming gay Christian.[14]

Now, if Christian communities want to control the language people use to describe their experience, what does it say about their approach to LGBTQI members. You begin to ask whether you are valued as a human with a thinking capacity who can discern your conclusions. Or is there a need for such discernment to be controlled?[15] So will you allow me to express myself in the language of choice?

Conclusion

As the last article of the Dear Pastor series, I would like to thank you for reading until this point. If I offended you in any way, I am sorry. Please relay such a message to me. I wrote these articles with good intentions. However, good intentions don’t absolve pain and hurt another person may experience.

I have been challenged in different ways as I have laid bare my life on a public platform. I didn’t need to do it. Frankly, no one asked me to do so. However, I found it essential for building up my life, the lives of LGBTQI members and Christian communities. Above, I am glad that I haven’t left the faith by God’s grace because of negative experiences. Unfortunately, however, some have left. I hope we can do something about it.

I also hope you will be moved to some action. Unfortunately, there are many churches I wouldn’t visit because I won’t find the environment I described above. In other cases, people in those Christian communities don’t reflect the desirable qualities. However, I am glad that I am currently visiting a welcoming church community and has begun speaking about LGBTQI inclusion. I hope your church community will consider ways to begin some conversations and create healthy spaces for the LGBTQI members despite their religious and theological conclusions.

Last, many were not satisfied that I didn’t engage with the biblical text. I plan to embark on that project in future blog posts. In the meantime, let’s all do the work. Read your bible, buy an affirming book and a non-affirming book, listen to podcasts from both sides, and watch videos from both sides. Blessings.

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[1] Matthew 22:34-40; Luke 10:27.

[2] Matthew 9:9-13.

[3] Richard B. Hays (p.400) also argues that the church should support civil rights for LGBTQI members – Hays, R.B., 1996. The moral vision of the New Testament: community, cross, new creation: a contemporary introduction to New Testament ethics. San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco. While Hays and I disagree on some application of scripture for LGBTQI members, his stance on the support for civil rights is countercultural. He received criticism from Trevin Wax on The Gospel Coalition review for this stance – https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/trevin-wax/richard-hays-and-the-new-testaments-witness-on-homosexuality/

[4] David Gushee (chapter 20) notes about this danger. He says, “…it is true that it remains physically dangerous to be an LBGTQ person in many places” – Gushee, D.P., 2017. Changing our mind: definitive 3rd edition of the landmark call for inclusion of LGBTQ Christians with response to critics. Canton, MI: Read the Spirit Books. Also, check a documentary produced by News24 – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKftt4Yc02g&ab_channel=News24

[5] John Corvino challenges this distasteful belief by asking when we began to derive our morality from animals? He also mentions that he wouldn’t want to follow the sexual practices animals have. They are bizarre and sometimes distasteful. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5iXA_0MED98&ab_channel=JohnCorvino

[6] It’s an irony that some of the most conservative churches are supporting campaigns for the sentencing and execution of gays and lesbians in some African countries. Where is the love of the neighbour? – https://apnews.com/article/lifestyle-africa-religion-relationships-united-states-3b1115a1a9ed40a1211dd508ae996141

[7] One author explains their motive in this way, “Christianity brought about a change through consistent teaching and application of [the] inherent value of human life, created in the image of God” – http://thewardrobedoor.com/2012/02/adoption-movement-recaptures-early-church-distinctive.html.

[8] David Gushee (chapter 20)  explains how Holocaust shares some similarities with the abuse against LGBTQI members in our society – Gushee, D.P., 2017. Changing our mind: definitive 3rd edition of the landmark call for inclusion of LGBTQ Christians with response to critics. Canton, MI: Read the Spirit Books. Also check – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2o3ZGwzZvk&ab_channel=TheReformationProject

[9] The example of infanticide and the Holocaust are not equal analogies with abuse against the LGBTQI members, but they share elements of being in the minority, vulnerable, and in need of protection.

[10] Gushee, D.P., 2017. Changing our mind: definitive 3rd edition of the landmark call for inclusion of LGBTQ Christians with response to critics. Canton, MI: Read the Spirit Books.

[11] I also felt subjected to an unfair process by a student ministry I wanted to join as a staff member. After voluntarily sharing my sexuality, a past sexual relationship, and repented, I was subjected to a process that threatened my theological studies and career. It happened despite my voluntary repentance to my immediate elders. The student ministry leader disagreed with the steps taken by my immediate leaders in dealing with my issue. I was hurt for a while by his actions. Fortunately, I spoke to this ministry leader before publishing this article. So we have ironed things out. I am grateful for the opportunity to do so.

[12] See the section on language on page 12 – https://pcaga.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/AIC-Report-to-48th-GA-5-28-20-1.pdf. The committee that put together this document included Tim Keller and Kevin de Young. I think the committee that put together this document is quite telling. It doesn’t seem that any committee members are gay Christians, at least from my initial research. It also didn’t have a single woman. I am not saying that straight godly men don’t have anything to contribute to the theology of gay Christians. However, suppose straight men decide on the theology involving our lives. In that case, the committee should be dominated by people who experience same-sex attraction, including women. They are affected too.

[13] Some people find the term same-sex attraction triggering. Dr Greg Johnson, a non-affirming Christian, has noted the negative connotation associated with the term same-sex attraction – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BuULNCBaoiY&t=3035s&ab_channel=PrestonSprinkle (from 50:26 minutes). He says it is associated with conversion therapy, which damaged many LGBTQI Christians and families when people were promised orientation change. They were subjected to harmful therapy practices. Men were taught to connect with their masculinity and women with their feminity. They were also taught to pursue heterosexual marriage. Sometimes, the therapy practices were very harmful though done in the name of God and a particular bible interpretation. So using a term associated with such practice is triggering some LGBTQI Christians. I wonder if the Presbyterian Church in America (PCA) took that into account.

[14] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xD2qH3-3eag&ab_channel=PrestonSprinkle

[15] Our Christian brothers and sisters in the west also produced and signed a Nashville Statement statement. This statement is signed by various Christian leaders such as John Piper, Sam Allbery, Vaughan Roberts, Jackie Hill Perry, and Rosaria Butterfield. Some of these men and women are non-affirming same-sex attracted Christians. This statement has received criticism for perceived homophobia, transphobia, misogyny, and pastoral insensitivity – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nashville_Statement#Criticism_and_responses. Sometimes, I can’t even bring myself to read these statements because they sometimes have a damaging nature to one’s soul.